Hanging on...

I tend to keep falling away from blogging about anything and everything despite the fact that it really is therapeutic for me. So many changes since my last blog in my families life. We have faced many deaths and not one is any easier no matter the relationship of the one you lose.
I am having a touch of empty nest despite both sons still at home. Dylan got his licenses this year and turned 17 during what is now his junior year. Zack is about to be 20 in a month which seems surreal as does every age they reach. As I have said before I blinked and here we are.
I am very proud of the young men I've raised along with their dad. Really when I step back in the grand scheme of things I got truly blessed with those boys. They give me so much joy in life. I always heard the saying you pay for your raising.....but I think I got the chance to be blunt, which
such to their dismay I am. I have tried to not sugar coat my decisions and just tell it like it is. Oh how I hope that has worked. My only true regret in life where any of my decisions are concerned are allowing myself to let drugs take me away. And in some strange ways I think it also made me better person more understanding and less judgemental. Anyway I see myself in those boys .
Dylan is so hard headed and set in his ways like his mama. He however goes far and above me when he sets a goal he does whatever it takes to achieve it and works so hard. We have started visiting colleges. Much to my surprise he is leaning toward smaller schools at least to start off with. Engineering and architecture seem to be where his interest lies. He will do amazing in whatever he picks.
My Zack, he is growing into such a caring young man. He has my tender heart, outlook on people and sense of humor. He is trying so hard to figure this world out as he enters into adulthood. I so want to fix everything and not have him have to face any struggles but I know he has to have those to make himself strong. I will never ever let him question whether I have their backs.
I am now an insurance agent. Another career. I have to be honest in this space and time I am exactly where I should be. I work with an amazing group of people and my boss and his family are by far the best and most encouraging people. The devil and life keeps trying to get in my way sickness, death, life....
I just wanted to say we still hanging on. ......