Family

Good Sunday morning. This new year for the most part has been fairly quiet for my family immediate and extended. Although let's be serious in my heart family is family. That all came to a screeching halt on Friday. With one family member as his new life is on the verge of starting a HUGE obstacle was thrown at him. I personally believe there will be victory and justice over this political gain move. I won't go into details at this time. Just if you have time and in whatever fashion you do prayers,energy ,good vibes could you send some to my family. Heartbroken isn't even a start to describe how we all feel at this time. I really do appreciate it more than you'll ever know.

40 has arrived!!!!!

Well today is my birthday my 40th birthday! I actually am not falling apart not emotionally anyway. I am handling it very well ( I think). This past year has been a definite roller coaster to say the very least. There have been deaths, sickness and surgery. There have been job changes and kids growing up and moving on a little more! Now there have been some great changes too... new family members born and married in to the family. Wonderful job change with some amazing bosses and co workers. I guess this is normal in anyone's life. What fun would life be if everything always stayed the same!?
I have had people from my past renew friendships with me and have become new again and just as strong relationships as before! I have the most amazing people in my life. This birthday by far is better than my 30th. I was dealing with addiction and trying to put my life back together. But as the last 10 years have went by even while I was going through all that I realize now God had a big ole plan for my life..
I haven't done great things or so I think then I look at my sons and WOW... they are the best parts of me... laughter love compassion generosity. How did I get so lucky. I know my sons have been through a lot in their lives with me there for a time and while most kids that would have made them rebel and turn away we grew more open and close. I know they have a great father that has been a great foundation for them. I became very open with my sons and never tried to hide them. They suffered and deserved the truth so that is what I have tried to give them.
During all that time do you know what they did? They prayed for their mama. They loved their mama. They hugged me....I told them it was okay to be mad at me and some days they were. But now at 19 & 17 they are just amazing young
Anyway I am going to do everything I can to make this year amazing. To basically be the best me I can. I know I will fail at times that is just part of life. I will get up brush myself off and move on because my parents raised a strong woman and that is what I do. So if you were a part of my life in any way big or small good or bad thank you for what you taught me and what you brought to my life. Thank you for loving me!

The week before Christmas.

Well this week has gone by it has been absolutely insane. On Monday I had an appointment with my ortho doctor for the results of my MRI. I knew before the sciatica started my knee was not right. You just know your own body. Well I was right. I have holes underneath my knee cap, the cartilage is pretty much gone and my knee is full of cyst. Not to mention all the arthritis. So after the first of the year we will schedule surgery and hopefully move on from this. I have tried very hard not to complain or burden anyone. I actually feel guilty about it if I do. A family we know is facing much bigger issues with this being most likely the last Christmas with their two year as she is fighting a rare brain cancer and not doing well. Just gotta keep praying. God still performs miracles.
We have had wrestling this week already and preparing for another tournament this morning. Dylan got some exciting news that hopefully will pan out in the future but under wraps at this time.
All but stocking stuffers and one gift and i am done. I have cooking and wrapping to do but that is tomorrow's task.
So nothing new or overly exciting to share. I don't know if anyone really even reads or cares what I write. There is a lot within me I am trying to handle figuring out which path to take. Do I continue to please others just so they won't assume I am going back to my old ways. Or do I please myself only time will tell. But there are changes that have got to be made on the horizon.
Be blessed and hug those babies

Thoughts and my heart

As I told you earlier I have been dealing with some pain. Joys of getting older right! Well that and I haven't exactly taken care of my health and body. I went this weekend and watched Dylan wrestle. Side note he is struggling a bit but we see  improvement and he keeps plugging away asking and taking advice from his coaches. Anyway, I began to deal with a lot of pain as Saturday morning went on and it made it very difficult to walk or relax. Finally  done good coffee and took something for the pain in addition to the icy hot on me and thanks heat pass I add wearing! It eased and on with the day. I find myself feeling guilty complaining about whatever pain I am in because I know others pain will not go away with those quick fixes. I have other passions that aren't going away with those quick fixes. I try very hard not to burden anyone with my rants and raves and tears because a lot of times I feel they go unheard or uncared for. So I go on with it. Some may think all this I feel is because I will be 40 in 12 days. Honestly I feel more sure of myself now than ten years ago. The first step is the scariest in anything you do and the anxiety sucks. I suppose until I am ready for those changes whether it be about my life or what I am lacking I will continue with the smile and nothing is wrong face! Today is the Blue Demon football banquet. My baby boys junior year. Crazy to me he only has one more year of high school football left.

Wrestling 2013-14

Well we are wrestling again. Dylan's junior year and he seems to have such a drive about him this season. I see so much growth in him and his reactions and the way he handles life. Anyway Lake Norman Duals were this past weekend. He did fairly well his first tournament of the season. And absolutely improved with the day. I have to be honest for so long I was so apprehensive about him joining wrestling when this all started a few years ago. But now with the coaches and parents and teammates they are a great group. Look forward to being the path to watching this team fight for history for state championship #13 most ever of any sport on state of Virginia.

PAIN ....

I am approaching 40 in exactly 17 days. While I am not at all upset by this number because heaven knows I am a better woman than I was at 30. Well the problem I am having is that I hurt all over. I have gained health issues that were things I never thought would be upon me. Last October I had a hysterectomy and aside from weight gain BLAH best thing I have ever done. That being said I know exercise and healthy eating is a must but when you are fighting an under active thyroid it is a chore. My knees are falling apart looks like I will have to have the other knee scoped. Now today I have discovered I have sciatica lovely. No wonder I hurt and can't sleep or walk or stand or lay or be normal. I have had to use a cane last few days to function. I don't like this interference in my life. So "clean" eating has begun today because I know dropping 80+lbs will help with all the above. As soon as I can put my cane away I am going to revisit my bowflex! I must say the guys and my job have been great understanding and helpful. I have to say as I see others we love dealing with certain death I feel guilty complaining so I try not to as it does no good. But I would ask if you read this if you could say prayers for me and some wonderful friends.:-)

Hanging on...

I tend to keep falling away from blogging about anything and everything despite the fact that it really is therapeutic for me. So many changes since my last blog in my families life. We have faced many deaths and not one is any easier no matter the relationship of the one you lose.
I am having a touch of empty nest despite both sons still at home. Dylan got his licenses this year and turned 17 during what is now his junior year. Zack is about to be 20 in a month which seems surreal as does every age they reach. As I have said before I blinked and here we are.
I am very proud of the young men I've raised along with their dad. Really when I step back in the grand scheme of things I got truly blessed with those boys. They give me so much joy in life. I always heard the saying you pay for your raising.....but I think I got the chance to be blunt, which
such to their dismay I am. I have tried to not sugar coat my decisions and just tell it like it is. Oh how I hope that has worked. My only true regret in life where any of my decisions are concerned are allowing myself to let drugs take me away. And in some strange ways I think it also made me better person more understanding and less judgemental. Anyway I see myself in those boys .
Dylan is so hard headed and set in his ways like his mama. He however goes far and above me when he sets a goal he does whatever it takes to achieve it and works so hard. We have started visiting colleges. Much to my surprise he is leaning toward smaller schools at least to start off with. Engineering and architecture seem to be where his interest lies. He will do amazing in whatever he picks.
My Zack, he is growing into such a caring young man. He has my tender heart, outlook on people and sense of humor. He is trying so hard to figure this world out as he enters into adulthood. I so want to fix everything and not have him have to face any struggles but I know he has to have those to make himself strong. I will never ever let him question whether I have their backs.
I am now an insurance agent. Another career. I have to be honest in this space and time I am exactly where I should be. I work with an amazing group of people and my boss and his family are by far the best and most encouraging people. The devil and life keeps trying to get in my way sickness, death, life....
I just wanted to say we still hanging on. ......